Dear entitled young Caucasian man in the red Prius,
Your little game of chicken on the merge onto the bridge did not leave me amused, nor did your ugly little finger. In my mind, I keyed your car, applied maple syrup to your car handles, cracked your windows with marbles, threw water balloons full of pee, infected you with a really terrible case of chickenpox, and stabbed you in the head at least eight times. Yet in reality, I kept my distance and glowered for the next hour.
Please learn to merge and teach others to be courteous drivers. Thank you so much.
#stopbeinganasshole #notworthit #younotalldat
Turns out that not all of my Facebook friends understand my sense of humor, or trust that I didn't really want to do horrible things to another human being. (Welcome to a big reason why I need this blog in my life.)
On Monday, I woke up before my alarm, did yoga, drank tea instead of coffee (on a 48-hour no-coffee low-stimulant streak), had a nice calm day at work, and all was well.
Tuesday... 2+ cups of coffee, brought a salad that would go ignored for the entire day, went on my lunch break very late, ate an apple while sitting on line at the drive-through Taco Bell, over-ordered and nearly finished an obscenely-huge jug of Mountain Dew (Baja Blast), which contains 109 g of sugar and 4.50 mgs of caffeine per fluid ounce (coffee is 12 mgs, a latte is 9 mgs, black tea has 6mg, Diet Coke has 3.83...)
Wednesday... energy drink + chocolate + microwavable mac'n'cheese.
Thursday? Late to work, Prius jousting, old salad...
Friday. Swallowed the Book of Calm and zenned-da-puck-out. Overslept, had a donut and coffee, and grabbed productivity by the nether-yo-yos like a BAUS.
Is there a moral to this story? Y'know, beyond the fact that I have a growing hatred of Priuses?
Honestly, I don't know why I sleep so much. The caffeine dealio may be part of it, or perhaps it's interrupted REM cycles-- but really, I've loved sleep since my childhood. "Do I have to go to dance class, or can I just sleep?" "I'd like to quit gymnastics so I can just sleep instead." "Girls scouts is the worst; napping is the best. I'mma take off this ridiculous vest." "Bat mitzvah? Study Hebrew after school to earn a party, a nice dress, and moneys while I'm becoming a woman? ... Naaaah, got an SNES and sleep. I'm good." "Road trip? Oh, good! That means I get to sleep a bunch in the back seat!" Some people have "wander-lust" or "the travel bug" or whatever... My vacations consist of cleaning, organizing, couch-potatoing, and...... gosh, what was it? Oh, that's right- sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I live where I live, right? Since I have to live with it, I might as well improve it on the daily, enjoy the fruits of my labors, y'know?
... Crap, I'm outta coffee. Post over!
No comments:
Post a Comment